when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You're like the curious george of whores
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
