so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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