i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
