we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
