Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
