Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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