very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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