so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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