I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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