i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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