Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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