If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
