the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
