I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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