I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
