so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
