I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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