i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
