some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
