so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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