I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize