This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
