im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
