im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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