Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't deserve a penis
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
