what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Randomize
