Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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