Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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