He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She bit a glass in half.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
