i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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