Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
