i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
