Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize