It's like God shit irony all over that family
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
