I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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