I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
