You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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