Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
