There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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