If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
