I need help removing her.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize