You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
