And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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