Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
