it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
