my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I look better un-naked...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
this is an emotional support booty call
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
