I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize