I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
