Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
