I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
