okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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