In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
