the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
