I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Green mimosas i think yes
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
