You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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