well I can't set my house on fire every night
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
