this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
