I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
