you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
