New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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