I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
