that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
