First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
