So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
