she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
