I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
