I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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