im drinking this country out of the recession.
I love having hate sex.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
